When you have experienced deployment(s) as a service member your relationships with loved ones can be affected.  When you return home, you may feel and act differently than you did before deployments.  Your family and friends may have changed too.  This is common and normal. 

You may have a hard time connecting with family members and friends, experience more frequent arguments and want to spend more time alone.  It is not unusual for your loved ones to ask you to talk about your deployment but it may be helpful but hard to do. 

Here are some tips for handling these situations.

1. Find out what happened while you were away and share with them the positive things that happened during your deployment. As you readjust to life with your family, it’s easy to focus on the bad instead of the good.  Do your best to notice the positive things family members do for you. Noticing the small positives in life helps you feel better and your loved ones feel appreciated. 
2. Avoid isolation by spending time with people you trust and in places you feel comfortable. You may have to push yourself to spend time with others. Plan to socialize with others and stick to your plan, even when you’d rather be alone. It helps to have people you can count on when you need them.
3. Develop a communication plan to talk about your deployment. Some service members just want to put their deployment experiences behind them.  But talking about those experiences with your family helps everyone.  Keep in mind that talking about your experiences doesn’t mean you have to tell people everything.  You can decide what you want to disclose and even share a little at a time.

For more information about helping you adjust to a deployment, please visit Military OneSource Family and Relationships or Deployment sections.

After months of worrying and waiting, your loved one is finally home from their deployment.  With the excitement, relief, and pride come other feelings as well.  Often, people don’t realize that the transition to life “back home” after a deployment can be a tough, and complicated process. It is not unusual for the experience to not be as joyful as you expected in the days following homecoming day.

You may notice that your loved one is having a hard time re-connecting with you, other family members and friends and may be more easily angered or choose to spend more time alone. It is not unusual for your loved one to avoid talking about what happened during the deployment.  Mismatched expectations about homecoming almost always comes with some amount of stress. 

Here are some common situations and coping tips that could make the transition less stressful.

1. Both the family and the service member have changed. New family routines may have formed. Children have grown and have learned new skills or take on new responsibilities.You may have been a single parent and switching to two parents can take time. Openly discussing what has changed can be helpful to eliminate the stress of unmet expectations.
2. Everyday life at home can prove difficult for the returning service member.  Out of practice with everyday life issues, the service member may react more strongly with anger or fear.  These reactions can surprise, anger, or scare family members and friends.  Be patient and communicate openly when everyone is calm.  If the service member continually overreacts or resorts to violence, you should seek help from professionals.
3. As service members begin to mentally and emotionally process their deployment, some may be more comfortable reaching out to members of their unit or people with similar experiences.  Some may not feel as social as they once were. 
4. As you renegotiate roles and reestablish intimacy with a service member, relationship problems can emerge.  It is helpful to focus on communication.  Being clear, open, honest, and compassionate will lead to an easier transition.  Professional counselors can be extremely helpful in navigating the difficulties of rebuilding relationships.

For more information about helping you adjust to a deployment, please visit Military OneSource  Family and Relationships or Deployment sections.